Finding What It Really Means to Seek Jesus' Face

Given the title, I'm sure that I am only going to touch on one way to do this. But its not so much about my method as it is about the difference it is making in my life. It's HUGE. It's new so I've only seen a difference being made this week in a select part of my life, but I already know it will cause me to walk in a totally different direction: finding my everything in Jesus instead of in my circumstances relative to Jesus.

Does that makes sense? Not yet? Well, thats because I haven't written about it yet! wink wink.


One of my prayers these last 6-7months has been

"Lord let me find myself independent from others and more dependent on You."

I crave to find what God has for me and I don't want it to be restricted to the options that are already around me. There are so many people around me doing such awesome things; its SO EASY to feel passion for what they're doing and want to join in! I mean, why not?! But I really want to know what God has for me. I want to say yes to what God is calling me to instead jumping in on what others are doing. I've pretty much been like this all my life - doing my own thing or at least doing life in my own way. So I know y'all aren't exactly surprised by what I'm saying

Fun in the Sun and God's Grace

This week was a doosey. Several meetings, ministry times and of course getting lots of work done.

There are many many things I could say about the changes in my life that made today so significantly better. I'll mention structure a bit and stressing out when I don't have structure on the weekends. But its more than that. God has been showing me that if I seek Him for help He will help me. I had tried different ways to find some R&R on the weekends and I was doing a miserable job at it. Sounds funny - most people don't have to try so hard to enjoy a weekend. But, if you know me well you know how pragmatic and certain I am about things. Letting go completely doesn't work because then I worry about what needs to get done. And trying to do it all so I can rest afterward doesn't either; the little tasks in life are never done.

I started off my day with a run. I rediscovered, again, how much I enjoy and actually need to exercise. I think today was the first Saturday that I didn't stress about plans, errands and chores or what to do and who to try to meet up with. My weekdays are so full and then I get to my weekend and freak out a bit at the complete lack of structure. But this morning's 35 minute run around the gravel roads up in the junkyard was just what my body needed to stave off stress and

I Am Such A Nerd.

Though you never stop learning, I swore off graduate education once I graduated UC Davis with my Bachelors degree. However, today, I found myself in a classroom. And I LOVED it!!!!!!!!

I'm not a complete sellout as my classroom is a Tongan Fale (pronounced: fall-A) of sorts and has no windows. We have brownies and coffee during class, snack on oranges, limes and liliquoi from the ATV and praise God for all the cool ways the world works. Like water. How is it that Hydrogen, you know, as gaseous element, plus a couple oxygen, you know, another gaseous (and actually toxic to breathe in it pure form) can combine to make water, the single most important thing to LIFE?

Today was the first day of class for a Water Technology seminar taught by a mixture of folks that are involved in different aspects of water sanitation and hygiene organizations. Justice Water and Water For Life are two of the organizations we will hear from as well as some of the students that have been trained prior.

I am such a nerd. I loved all the nerdy talk on elements and their positive and negative charges, how water attracts so much to it because of its molecular structure, and how there are different mechanical and chemical things you can use to clean up water. All of a sudden I wish I was back at Davis my freshman year with the chance to stick with that Chemistry 2A class and stick with my biology major. But then again, I wouldn't be where I am today if I had. Nonetheless, my brain was engaged and my heart was happy to be hearing about all sorts of things.

Meadow Flowers in a Desert

Today was a beautiful day. It wasn't over the top exhilarating, just simply really good. And, its only noon!

Life has been pretty rough lately. I have been acknowledging the legitimate but reasonably-avoidable feelings of homesickness. And being honest enough with myself to face reality. Reality is that not every day is going to feel/be/seem/appear awesome. Reality is that sometimes I will feel or even believe that I am nowhere near impacting peoples lives for the better with the things I do in my little garden world (which is actually giant!). Reality is that people are busy and though they're having fun its not in spite of my loneliness; its just a fact. Reality is that not every day is going to be exciting and adventurous like traveling to Greece with 10 amazing women and facing new, and by default, EXCITING!! things all the time. Life can feel settled and that's okay.

Yesterday was one of the lowest days I have had in years but then it quickly turned around and I felt peace and contentment. It was like I cried and prayed and cried the junk away just enough to make room for God. I saw the joy and goodness in my life and in my relationship with God despite the other 98% of me feeling essentially opposite of that.

I know that the flavor of the next couple months are going to be challenging. God told me so. He said that up til Christmas-time that life was going to be a season of equipping and training, practically and spiritually. I have felt lonely in a lot of what I do here not because there's a shortage of people to be with but because their daily activities are separate from mine.

Project Management and Conflict-Resolution

big one for me in growing as a leader and a manager of the discipleship students that work in the ATV (Appropriate Technology Village--the area I am managing as staff). Learning to be a project-manager has had a huge learning curve and conflict resolution has shifted in a great direction the dynamics of the group I have in the afternoon.

On project-managing: 

The eco-ponics fish tank which is about 3.5' tall and about 8' feet in diameter, was losing about an inch a week of water due to evaporation! This is not cool. It will throw off the water chemistry and mess with the process of bacteria creating available oxygen for the fish to live, and also mess with the nutrients like nitrogen that the plants need to grow to then feed the fish. Solution: let's build an upright for a shade cloth!

Complete Shade Cloth (click to enlarge)

What do we need:

1 shade cloth
4 posts
4 carribeaners
4 hook-screws
4 cable clamps
4 concrete blocks
4-8 concrete bolts
4 L-shaped brackets
8-12 wood screws
cable or rope

So my plan of action: dig 4 holes, insert concrete blocks, attach brackets to concrete blocks and wood posts, with respective screws, hand-screw the hook-screws in, and pitch the shade cloth. Should take a day or two (5 hours of work time), right? ...NOPE!

It took 18 hours (worth of work-periods) to do a lot of things wrong before we figured out the right ways.

Ladies: Jesus is Already Our Hero

I have been sorting through the deeper things with God, and well, lets just get down to it, I'm talking about relationships, dreaming of a husband, and all the nervous-exciting things that lead up to it.

I have had my fair share of crushes and heartbreaks, and done my fair share of crushing hearts. And, there have been enough participants in my trial & errors to see some trends. This reflection has brought some good revelations out of my prayer time.

So girls, time to be honest. After meeting or even just seeing a cute guy do you ever wonder if he'll walk up to you and tell you "_______________"? Do you ever think that after an exchange of words that perhaps the next day at work he will ___________ ? Are you ever thinking--while alone and quiet, doing your daily routine--that he might come over to you and compliment you, take that heavy box up the stairs for you, or, Heaven forbid, he be conveniently around that moment you twist an ankle and he can help you up and care for you?

Now, these are general examples not too far from the actual ones I think...almost all the time. It doesn't take much: great eyes, great smile, great pants, cool glasses, sly smirk...to peak my interest in a guy. I mean, if he's a cutie, my imagination is already busy hoping that it's just the beginning of everything I want in a boyfriend--fiance--husband.

Does this ever happen to you? Does a passing thought ever linger and become an obsession we call a "crush?"

I think these things are totally normal, by the way. Relief. You are not weird.

Life in Kona, Again

Living in Kona, Hawaii is so interesting. Interesting because it isn't just the paradise that you think of if you are a casual vacationer or a daydreamer...it is real life for about 35,000 people. It also some form of real life for me, not filled with scuba-diving and dolphin or whale watching, but filled with the realities of proliferate poverty/homelessness, underpaid jobs and overpriced goods and services, being sensitive to the community and doing my job here on campus. Of course it is beautiful and tropical, and the aura around here is 'aloha' and 'ohana'-a slow paced easy-does-it lifestyle. Of course I am grateful and delight in my surroundings nearly everyday (I do my best to remind myself of how much I have to be thankful on a daily basis, wherever I am). My heart feels estranged in the realistic alternative to paradise, but at the same time, I am so comfortable here I call it my home, feeling like I never left it last September. The friends are different, the schools are different, but as they say 'the more things change the more they stay the same...'

My mommasita visited me last week and it was so great to have her here! (Hi Mom!) It was just as confusing though to hang out with her around dinner time during the work week, like she was visiting me at college or I was back living at home working and we were unwinding from a day of work. Saturday and Sunday we did errands and had Panda Express for lunch--everything but the ocean views and Hawaiian Shirts was completely normal to a weekend in Fresno. But...how cool to have my mom pick me up from a long day of serving God and leading students in helping me with projects in the garden & technologies area? Too cool! Also, the best motivation to put on cute clothes (for going out to dinner), as in not my gardening clothes. I foresee all my shorts to have dirt-stained-butts in the rear future :)

It was quite a bummer that the weather was overcast-y and cool the week my mom was here, not that that wasn't a relief from Central Cali high temps, but because she didn't get to see a delightful Hawaiian sunset...that is, until the last night.

Guava!

The things I do here have added up to being pretty random. I measure the oxygen level in a fish pool amidst the garden, I have harvested guava, moringa and cotton, yes COTTON! all from the same garden. I have seen a fish be gutted and cleaned out and had a coconut harvested and chopped at the end to drink out of.

Dragging away a hefty branch!

A false/decorative Pineapple, & mutated at that!

ATV: Managing the Unlimited Opportunities

My position as Staff in the Science & Technology department in general, and as the manager of sorts of the Appropriate Technology Village (ATV) in specific, is shaping up. And much differently than I imagined. But not in a bad way by any means. 

I have been in Kona for 18 days which seems like forever yet totally reasonable that I am still settling into my role and routine here. As far as my schedule and routine goes, I've got that down. I have Leadership Track students from 9am-12pm M,T&Th and I have discipleship students from 3-5pm everyday, leaving me a nice 1-3pm break every day for research, preparation, bible-time, meetings, etc. 

At first I felt like I was grappling with task-giving. I definitely entered the Village (ATV) with confidence that what I lacked God would provide for. And He did, every time. Some days I had a couple things in mind and then they'd go into hiding as soon as the students arrived. But there has never been a day when there wasn't more weeding to do or when a student didn't suggest something they saw that could be done. At the start of this week it was still a difficult task, a challenge rather, think up the chores, figure out which were going to happen to day based on so many different factors like weather or time, decide who would do them, answer many questions on How? Where? When?....all whilst I was learning how to do what I was having the students do. But, by the end of the week I had accumulated answers to a lot of my questions, and realized that there would be a constant give-and-go of small increments. I also figured out that it was easier to grab the supplies and/or set up a bit the task at hand--more work was able to be done in the limited time periods and I felt more organized and at peace. 

There is more multi-tasking to do that I could ever detail. Twice a day we are measuring the Dissolved Oxygen content in the Ecoponics (growing fish without commercial fish food--in our context and purpose). The tool we have to measure it is picked up in the morning after the Aquaponics (growing food with fish poo and limited water supply) does their morning measurements. We can keep it through the afternoon to use it a second time but it needs to be returned before morning. Watering the plants by one of our several watering options: sprinkler system, drip-irrigation system, or hand-watering with a garden hose...Harvesting Moringa leaves: we want to do about once a week to build a store-house of emergency nutrition. DISCLAIMER: In my update email and first blog post (the realllllly excited one!) I called it molinga...definitely heard that one wrong! 

Just this week I had two very capable young men (fully qualified carpenter and electrician) begin to plan and build a gateway complete with trellace and archway. This meant several days of figuring out that the things we required needed more time to collect. So other chores were done on the fly. I have two lovely young ladies also en route to creating and painting new signs for the ATV area. No one on campus knows that ATV stands for. The select few think of quads. They are working well with the manly-men to add it to the gate and archway. I also have a gentleman who is a very quick-to-do kinda guy and I actually have to ask him to wait and come meet with the group to fellowship for a minute before we start--he walks briskly by on his way to pick up where he left off yesterday. I chuckle in appreciation because I could easily have one or more folks who are difficult and unwilling or incapable and I don't have not one! Praise God. So my eager man built me a desk out of pallets! I'll have to post pics of that after I take some...

There is a lot of errands to do...all the time. I walk up and down the slope of a volcano at least 6 times a day. Praise report: I'm getting in shape! My legs and even feet don't hurt as much or often. I also am picking up a tan, a healthy one too! (As in I use sunscreen...most of the time :) 

The black covering, bottom left, is the underground tank. 

I have a couple big projects that are in some stage of happening. The morning group of advanced students and I will be learning a bit about laying concrete this coming week to be somewhat skilled before we build a bigger version of the bio-gas tank that we have already. The technology here is very handy for any people group that use livestock in a decentralized manner, as in everyone sorta has a couple per household and can do this in an individual way. So here's how it works: you collect the poo from your livestock (we will be using pigs as we already have them on campus) and wash it off into this holding tank--there is a rain-gutter-like trap and pipe that funnels it there. Anaerobic bacteria break the waste down and produce methane, a clean-burning gas. Right now the tank can capture about 8 minutes of cooking time. Our goal is to build a tank that can provide for at least 45 mins of cooking time.

Back side of the pig pen & outhouse with drains to the tank. 

There is A LOT to learn about this system, the many many steps to tearing out the old one, prepping the new one etc. Lucky for me I already know what I need to know about caring for the pigs that will be donating their waste. We are waiting for the King of Samoa to email the plans for this to us--this technology is a Samoan tech and this King also happens to be the YWAM base leader for Samoa. No. Big. Deal. 

Later in the quarter, or whenever it works out, we may also be working on building solar-driers for drying fruit and different foods. We have ideas/plans on how to build a late 1700's version of a cotton gin and work out how to spin the fibers for thread or some sort of text-tile things. I am also focusing my research efforts on understanding something called Microbial Fuel Cells. Think of the general concept of solar panels and how they collect energy into batteries (for storage), well this idea is using the energies given off in organic happenings (reactions) that take place in soil. There are MILLIONS of critters in there. 

That's just a couple things, really. Hah. 

Prayer requests: for time management-only to the degree that allows me to make progress toward a couple things I am focusing on, I don't need too much control over time :) That I would find myself making new friends! Though I know a handful of folks from last year, we're all doing our different things and I don't have 55 like-minded photographers around me all the time. 

Praises: I am just so grateful for being fully funded for a quite a while!! There are so many generous folks helping the Lord's work in my life its a very secure feeling of love and support. I am continuously finding myself able to do the random things this dynamic "job" calls for. Just the other day I used knowledge from teaching a computer lab section for UC Davis to design a simple database to collect the online sources for research that is accessible around the world to all of the YWAM bases/departments that have Sci & Tech like us. Thanks google tools. Also, another staffer was on the National Champion Agriculture Mechanics Team for FFA in the late 80's. This must be destiny. Though I wasn't a National Champ by any means...

Lots of Love!! Please update me on your life as well, I'm quite out of the loop. Blessings!

ATV: A Lesson In Pruning

Well I am still taking for a ride this learning curve. Just this morning I went to fetch a couple guavas for a friend and I to add to our breakfast and as I tugged on a branch to reach a few I snapped a branch of a nearby Moringa tree that was flowering... I now understand how my mom feels when something goes amiss with her gardening habit.

By the looks of the Appropriate Technology Village (the garden & technologies area) I figured we might be pulling weeds for a couple weeks. I have a total of 9 students that help me throughout different times of the day and week for a total of 19 hours...lets just say 'Phase 1: Clean Up' is coming along more swiftly than I imagined!

A learning moment:

As I started some students on pruning after a 2-minute lesson I had received the evening prior. We have a tree very similar to a cottonwood that has been overgrown for I don't know how many seasons...well the chore went from pruning to removing an intertwined branch from an upstairs neighboring tree and destroying half of the cottonwood...We sawed off the branch from above but as it was very tangled and fell from above, deepening the entanglement, and as we tried to pull this large sprawling branch out of the cottonwood we dragged out half of the leaves and of course cotton was all around!

Progress and Adjustments

Well I will be real (when am I not?!) and say that that initial EVERYTHING-IS-FANTASTIC-AND-I-AM-OVERJOYED feeling only last so long. But, thats normal. Initial excitement is just that--initial. So do not get me wrong, call my parents, or be concerned, because I am still super content and joyful. There was a lull in between, you know like crashing after coffee. Anyway, it didn't last long as the Lord is good and has plans for me, plans that require moving on!

I haven't had much to do since arriving outside of taking care of the logistics like making a list of all the things I need at Target that I have forgot to pack and hanging up some pictures (I'd love some of you if you want to print and send them!) I have taken the luxury of sleeping and taking naps, and praying for all that is to come through me and the ATV/my garden.

It has been peaceful and I actually had a day where I did not know what to do with my free time--so I went and sat. Yes, that is all I did. Okay..I took my iPod with me and then I sat. And watched the ocean.

There has been a lot about me that needs to get in shape. Walking! Oh me oh my! My legs are sore, my feet are bothering me again, my calves are tight...I live on the slope of a volcano. My lungs! Talking while walking up and down and up and down said volcano takes a lot more breath than I seem to have pumping. Spiritually: disciplines that get me on God's pace, timeline, agenda, and heartbeat. The greater vision for the farming and gardening things on campus is to eventually feed ourselves, train all the missionaries in appropriate projects for their country locations, and maybe even host scientific conventions...and thats all a big feat. So I want to be sure that everything I pursue is not my own, like chasing the wind, but of the Lord's plans and purposes basked in His favor. Things seem to work better this way, you know, when you've got God's green light.

My biggest curiosity to starting this new gig was how to lead the student helpers while I was at the same time learning everything they will be learning. It's like having a mechanic on his first day of tech school working with you on your car. Okay, so not that dramatic, nor technical. But you know, in YWAM and particularly in the culture of Science & Tech dept, we are a family and not all about prestige or expertise. So, I simply started off by saying,

 "Welp, today is my first day and I will be learning how this all works alongside you. I studied Agriculture development but it was mostly Community Development and now I get to figure out how to do it all...." 

I continued to elaborate on my philosophy on working: see Ecclesiastes. You should read the whole thing, its only about 12 chapters. If we are to labor and have hard work to do, it is best to also enjoy the fruits of this life that bring joy.

The group of students that will be helping me in the mornings are on the Leadership Track. They are advanced students and will have bigger projects and more responsibility. I have three of them with the possibility of having more. They are very ambitious which is a great match for me--they want to help make a big difference in this grand-re-opening of the ATV which is so nice and will be so effective. We are praying about rebuilding the methane catchment tank to run a process of trapping methane from the poo of the pigs. This will be a really big project but they're up for it! They were super thankful and genuine. I like the way this looks already.

I am excited to be able to work and lead from a place of relationship with God and wanting to do His work. Its quite incredible to say things like, "well, lets see what God wants" or like how I mentioned my work philosophy above is the wisdom from an entire book of the Bible. That's cool. #biblenerd #giddygardener ... I realize hashtags don't work on blogs. I still think they're cool.


Let's see what the other work-duty students are like this afternoon and what the work-week holds.


Prayer requests: for the pain in my feet; sun burns and bug bites; hearing from God on what to do and what not do to--not getting spread to thin or trying to do too much, too quickly. Finances for my leadership students, they're praying for income!

Thanks! Love, Bee...bzzz.

YWAM Staff Position: details!

I am OVERFLOWING with joy, the solid hand of God in putting me here, calling me here, creating me just for this opportunity. I might repeat myself and talk in circles but it will all be in attempt at describing everything that is going on in my heart and in my head!

I arrived Tuesday afternoon after a really long day of travel and was met by the lovely Linda who is in my department. She will surely be my motherly figure on base: she brought me a bottle of water and gave me a piece of gum, then took me to grab dinner; SO what my mommy does.

I unpacked and arranged my things, cramming them in between dressers and underneath bunk beds--oooh, yea, here we go dorm life! I fell in love with my roommates already, took about 20 minutes. There are 7 of us in a 10'x20' room. But we have a full size fridge/freezer, hallelujah!! And a kitchenette, kitchen table + chairs, two small closets and a full size bathroom. Praise. The. Lord.

Wednesday I got all set straight with officially being staff! Which means I paid for rent and my ID card. Then, Derek my department lead, and Vernon the department head, started chatting away about God/Jesus-jokes. "It's like joyful repentance, it doesn't make sense, but it sure is good!" Already thoroughly glad to be here!!! There are SEVENTY SEVEN stairs from the bottom of campus to the mid section (we're on quite a hill, the island is a volcano after all) and Vernon bantered on how if you ask for forgiveness on every step you're fully washed clean by the time you've reached the top! (Forgive your neighbor not 7 times but seven times seventy).

Now, for the really good stuff (as if the above summary wasn't good enough!):

I HAVE BEEN GIVEN FULL OVERSIGHT OF WHAT WE CALL THE ATV: APPROPRIATE TECHNOLOGY VILLAGE. It is a garden-like area that has about 100 plants and trees as well as experimental technologies either working or ready to be fixed (that's my job!).

There are baby pineapples on their way to becoming adult pineapples--there's not much cuter than a baby pineapple, perhaps maybe a baby panda bear?

There are moringa trees which are the world's next superfood!! The leaves are edible right off the branches and have more protein than beef or chicken (~6-8g protein/100g leaves). They taste different depending on how old the leaves are, the younger ones have a herbal spiciness to them--I think that's if you didn't grow up with Mexican food though because it tasted like a great seasoning. They can be dried and then powdered and added to water, pancake mix, smoothies...whatever you'd like! If you were in extreme survival mode, you could live for a while on just these leaves and plenty of water. But let's not try that one out.

There is a plan/idea/dream/vision to plant about 500 citrus trees on campus--free food!

There is a pig pen with a wash-off area to capture pig-poo + miscellaneous waste. Makes sense, we like to keep that around, right? Hah. Actually its because of the anaerobic bacteria that release methane while they digest the poo, and if we can replace the small capture tank with a bigger one, we might be able to eventually fuel the kitchen. Free cooking fuel!!

If I see a plant I don't like, I can get rid of it. If I want to grow something and its not here, I can ask for it. I am not allowed to remove trees without asking. Though I don't know how I'd manage it without asking for help anyway.

We have plans to rearrange the set up of the garden contents so that they are consolidated into groups (by purpose, prettiness, function, something logical...) so that we can easily have self-guided tours. You know those QR codes on things you use a smart phone to scan? We plan on having those code deals on placards that will link to an audio clip that will play as you walk yourself through our oasis of a polynesian paradise.

We want to build archways/terraces to create an entrance to each of the 5-6 walkways that enter this ATV area.

We have a huge tub for aquaculture: growing fish in water. It's not as simple as it sounds. Right now they are in the process of testing to see if the fish can survive on duck weed (a plant) and another one I can't remember the name of without adding fish food you'd find at a pet store. This is a big deal. Because if you can simply send baby fishies and small seedlings of these plants to other nations with our missions teams, we can be fishers of men and feed men fish! Before that though, we've got to figure out how to provide enough oxygen to these lil guys without adding it ourselves (requires electricity and other apparatus.

We have aquaponics in a different area as well. This means growing food in water and we use fish to supply the nutrients otherwise supplied by soil. We have a steady supply of lettuce for the campus right now but the vision is to have this system expanded big time so grow more and more.

So I think there's a lot more going on than what I've mentioned. But I'm tired of typing and you're probably tired of reading these alternative ideas that you don't quite understand. But the basic idea for all that I will be doing, all that the Science & Technology department already does is this: through community-based principles of relationship and love, we aim to develop simple technologies that are useable in the third world. These ideas we are playing with are beneficial to campus (free food, independence from imports that could go awry in weather--disasters like hurricanes, lost cost on the environment--we have very limited resources on an island) but most of all the practicality of these things is exactly what we need. They have to be repeat-able, learn-able, and locally manageable. 

This was my final charge: 

"Don't think small, dream big. And even then, it might not be big enough"

Unbelievable!!

So, I am in Kona, Hawaii. Nah, no I'm not. Wait, am I? Yes. Yes, I am. Palm trees, check. Volcanic
rock, check. Greeted with a delicious lei, check. Convertible cruising along Kuakini Drive and Palani, check. Flags of the Nations, check. Youth With A Mission campus entrance, check.

How does it feel like I never left AND that I'm not actually here?? At the same time!?

I am not sure! BUT nevertheless I am happy. I am happy to be here and have been greeted so greatly by some of the staff in my department (Science & Technology).

I thought I would have a whole lot of things to say...but...I'm really tired. I went to bed 24 hours ago in California, in my giant cozy bed, and then 24 hours later (CA time) I have unpacked, met most of my roommates, made my bed and brushed me teeth. I am ready to sleep!! So far, I have already fallen in love with one of the girls I room with and there is not more than one girl of each ethnicity: Korean, Canadian, African-American, Australian, and Me. YAY!!

Alright, really, I'm off to sleep!!

Goodnight, y'all. I love all of you and can't begin to tell you how blown away I am by the support, encouragement and love y'all sent me off with!! Gahh!! 

My Destiny: God's Will & Plan

I realized today that even after I explain what I will be doing when I return to Kona, Hawaii as staff for the science & technology department for research and development that most people have no idea what I just said...Even when I give the "vague and simple" answer, most of the content is so uncommon its foreign anyhow. 

Here are some blurps from my Skype-instant-messaging-interview. 

Here are the details! Please let me know if you have any questions :) I will not judge you. 

• Amy: Do you have a specific idea of what you want to do in Science and Tech? Farm? Appropriate Technology Village? Cross training? 
• Bwood: appropriate tech is definitely my heart, but i think cross training is always my strategy 
• amy kirbow: Very good. Derek and I have both felt that was where we would like to see you, but also wanted to leave it open. 
• Bwood: perfect :) 
• Amy: I know you mentioned in your application that your heart is for South America. What is your long term vision? If you knew everything there was to know about the ATV do you want to then go there and plant one? 
• Amy: Or do you want to train from Kona and send others out?  
• Bwood: i think i prefer going somewhere and planting to staying in Kona and training others 
• amy kirbow: Are you good with building things and the practical/hands on or more theory?
• Bwood: i think both. 
• Bwood: i love the physical hands on but im very intellectual as well 
• Amy: Very good! 
• Bwood: i did welding and wood working for fun in high school 
• Amy: Ok, so you are our dream! :) 
• Bwood: i think y'all are MY dream :) 
• Bwood: SERIOUSLY!!! 
• Amy: Derek oversees the ATV, but we both have been praying the Lord would send a day to day manager who would oversee the practical and help to implement and further develop the scope of the ATV. The LORD is good is He not? He has matched us up well. 
• Amy: So excited the Lord is answering prayer! :) 
• Bwood: you have no idea!!! me tooo! 

• Derek: Aloha!  
• Bwood: aloha! 
• Derek: So let me give you a bitof a vision of the ATV as it is and how I see it progressing 
• Derek: The ATV is currently housing a few technologies...biosand filters, tippy taps, biogas generation via pigs, permaculture, a plantnursery, and rain catchment 
• Derek: That was the past...here is the future:
• Derek: I see the ATV as a working village...a view of a polynessian experience that shows people what is possible. I want people to walk into the ATV and meet a fictional character. They will follow this man through a typical day. They will see his food growing processes, his fuel, his cooking, his sleeping area...everything. There will be signs and whatnot showing each of the technologies present, but also a smartphone app that will allow you to have an audio self-guided tour in your own language. I want to add in 10-15 new technologies including ecoponics, solar dehydrating, a desalinization device, universal nut-shell grinder, and much much more. I want the permaculture area to have over 200 varieties of food plants as well 
• Derek: Overall I want to see a person walk in to the ATV and be entering a new world. They should forget they are in Kona and really feel they are in Palau or Kiribati...what do you think? 
• Derek: my plate is full...more than you know. I have been praying for you literally and figuratively...a person with the same heart and passion to come and help develop this 
• Bwood: Its amazing how I feel like God has crafted me for this--the challenge, the diversity, the sharing, the technology/media, the remote culture elements... 
• Bwood: if i ever wondered why I was a 'Jack of all trades'....i don't need to wonder any more 
• Derek: I have felt the same way most of my life...neat how the Lord works this... 
• Derek: and of course I want your input, your ideas, your visions. We will be working together, but you would have complete oversight of work duty students and mission builders and leadership track to build and develop the area 
• Bwood: wow! i would be so honored. i have pretty strong leadership skills as far as coordinating and delegating and facilitating so that would be a delight 
• Derek: your DTS leader speaks very highly of you and your capabilities, and I worked with you a bit as well, so there is no worry there...and we are a team in science and tech so you are never alone. I honestly think we have the best team on campus as we pray with one another, hang out, work together, share the load, etc. It really is like a family 
• Bwood: gahh that entirely warms my heart
• Derek: so, I know you have support raising and whatnot, but if you need info for your church or individuals that might be supporting you then let me know and I can get you anything you need...even speak with them on the phone. We are excited for you to come whenever you are ready. 
• Bwood: thank you very much. i am excited because when you give the Lord free reign on timing, things always are spontaneous!
• Bwood: my will is that I will come as soon as I have enough finances--i'm still broke from the last mission so this one is realllllly up to God's provision 

The Waiting Game

What a speedy process this next adventure has been. That is, until now. It was all began in a moment of clarity when several things the Lord had been adding together finally reached its sum: apply NOW.
I had been waiting on God for a sense of timing: when to go, when to apply, when to start fundraising.
I had considered several things like not wanting to leave for Kona and the Science & Technology department before my friend's wedding figuring I'd save money on an extra round-trip ticket and I'd get to be here for more of the pre-wedding festivities. I also figured by leaving mid-June that I would get to stick around for my youth group kiddos and not leave before their semester is up, claiming that I don't want to abandon them after becoming invested in their lives. I also figured I did not want to take advantage of my boss' generosity and flexibility with letting me come and go as I pleased.

Notice a trend? These all sound like excuses, not legitimate factors. If there's a difference, even.

I got an email two weeks ago from my supervisor needing to know my end-date for work this go-around and she had assumed it was March sometime. This gave me a keen sense of permission-permission to leave, her having a specific month in mind, to let go of all those excuses and dare to chase my dream now!

NOW is all I heard each time I prayed to God about timing. I often wonder about the element of deciphering what God speaks to us. It is always a direct answer to the question we're asking? There's a good chance for not. Think of how Jesus NEVER answered questions with direct answers, they were usually answers to other questions or to the actual question no one wanted to actually ask. It seems like this answer "NOW" was more the answer to all of the prep-work for heading back to YWAM. Apply now. Pray and plan and think about who might support you financially now. Don't get committed to other things now. It wasn't so much the answer to when I would fly back or start up at Kona, but when to start doing all the things that need to be done before I leave.

NOW. NOW is the time to begin your dream, dear reader. NOW is the time to take the next step that will lead you to your next step. The sum of all your hard work and the different opportunities that build up the resulting DREAM COME TRUE! Chase your heart's desire NOW, dear reader. Begin the stages NOW.

Now that I have been given this assurance and the ball has been set in motion I am being taught by God so much about what it's actually like to wait. Believe it or not, I don't often wait on things. I usually just do it, just go. After my supervisor's email and the sudden clarity at the center of all my excuses, I started to work on my application. I think it was done within a couple days, reference letters and all. I knew God's hand was setting that pace when my reference letters were done within 48 hours--that never happens! After that was all taken care of I promised God in a slightly challenging way: I said I'd go as soon as he provided the funds. I am broke and I also was wanting to be obedient to the "NOW" that I thought meant arrive in Kona ASAP.

Now though, I am realizing that waiting on God for provision does not mean rush or strive to bring it to fruition. It means, God is working and you might not be able to see it, but now we wait. So I have done my due diligence--support letters, blog revamped, facebook status promotions--and now, I wait for people to be moved by God and respond to my need. So, I am learning that I still have to go to work, I still have to do chores, and I still have things to enjoy while I wait.

Wow, I actually have to trust God with the invisible and allow Him to do the work while not knowing when He will say I am ready. Well, while I am waiting...

Financial Support Request

Its funny how you can get cocky about being not-cocky. I think thats exactly what snuck up on me in the last couple months. About September I knew that God had asked me to take a bit of rest as my next chapter in life and boy was I okay with that! I also knew in the depths of my dream-chest that I was going to head back to Kona/YWAM eventually to work in the Science & Technology department to do some agriculture research, I just didn't know when.

So with this assurance, which was more like arrogance, I didn't do much about really pursuing God's will for me. What if I was wrong? What if God had something else in the meantime? Well, I didn't ever really ask.

I thank the Lord for His grace and His willingness to go out of the way to make sure we don't miss the things He really has for us because it turns out that my cockiness did not steer me away from His best. It just put me in a bit of a time crunch.

I am now sitting here with about 5-6 weeks max of a time frame to get applications and fundraisers and packing things and housing etc together to get back on what God would have told me months ago had I bothered to mind Him sooner rather than later.

It is now later and I am more hastily seeking financial support and dedicated prayer friends for the before, during and after. If that sounds like something you're interested in please let me know!!

Prayer options: text, email, Facebook message, Skype...you get the idea!
Financial options: mail a check, transfer to my Paypal account (charges a small fee) or deposit online directly to YWAM (web address coming later).

Get Some...of this Great God

I had a very sweet and important moment with Jesus the other day but was in a quite inconvenient place to record it: on my drive to work in Osceola, Arkansas. You should Google it, it's a bitty town just a tiny bit bigger than my hometown in California.

I have always wondered when Jesus' death would impact my heart this way. I have known in my head for a long time the logistics of salvation: Jesus, who was perfect, was the only, only, only option for reconciling a very broken person back into perfect, unbroken relationship with God, my creator and HEAVENLY Father. I/we are broken by self-serving and self-satisfying, reckless choices like not worshipping God.

Anyway, as far as the mind goes, I can be super amazed and blown away by the effect, the impact this has on the world, on my heart, and my afterlife in heaven...but I have been waiting for my heart to get it. To be transformed and melted by His Kind of Love. <-- a="" great="" song="" that="" title="" with=""> 

Now, why would I know that I need more of Jesus? How do I know that my heart isn't quite overwhelmed by the result of Jesus' death, i.e., GRACE, FORGIVENESS, ASSURANCE?

Well this is my confession:  because I am constantly striving to do as little sin as possible so that when I get to Heaven I have less to be ashamed about.

BOOM. Yea, I just said that. I was worried I wasn't going to be good enough to be acceptable or loveable in God's almighty big hug and His beautiful face and outstretched hand, inviting me to sit on His throne of mercy and say, "well done, good and faithful servant." (Matthew 25:23)

If your heart is troubled over your actions, if you are constantly or even infrequently considering wether or not what you're doing or have just done was sinful or not, worthy of God or not, or will boot you out of the promiseland, you need more love. If you think "Will this add too much to my sinfulness?" or "Oh, no, I was doing pretty good until that, I just messed up, ok, now I need forgiveness again"....hahah, well, you need Jesus to slam your heart and face with His compassion and mighty love. I've just caught my first glimpse.

What did it look like?

It was in reaction to a song lyric jumping out of my speakers on KLove Radio (this thing is broadcasted everywhere, just like God's voice is) and the song was sayin' something along the lines of God reaching out His hand to save us. I then thought on the scripture in Matthew about Peter walking on water, but then starting to sink when his faith ran up short. (see: Matthew 14). Here Jesus physically saved  Peter by quickly reaching out to pull him back up and stopped him from drowning. Then I wondered if that's what grace was like. Peter had enough faith to get out and start walking, but not enough to withstand the wind, the doubt. So by Jesus reaching out and grabbing Peter, Jesus was saying I AM ENOUGH. He finishes what we cannot. He is the insufficiency that would otherwise be impossible to amend before our judgement day.

The coolest and miraculous part of this revelation: I was early for work. Ok, that was not it, I was just joshin' ya. I was early for work and had time to do my devotional beforehand and guess what the scripture reference was on? Bam, Matthew 14, the exact story God put in my little brain 7 minutes earlier.

So this is the meat of this glory bomb that went off in my heart: I finally admitted to God in another drive to work out here what I admitted up above, that I was basically fearful of what would happen in heaven. In that same devotional book I read Hebrews 12:2 a couple days later which says that Jesus is the author and perfecter of our faith. Keeping our eyes on Jesus helps us steady our hearts and minds on this.  I remembered another song lyric (likely drilled in this cabeza because of Klove) that says something like this: that one of these days I'll have to stand in front of the Judgement Throne and stand for everything I've done, but what I'll do is trust in Jesus.

So God was knitting together this great little story for me and it all came to this. Jesus is enough for me in this life, but He is also enough for me when I get to Heaven and have to be accountable for all that I have said and done. Jesus is here on earth and yet sits in Heaven. He is on the mercy seat at the right hand of God. Jesus will stand in the gap of all my insufficiency at that moment more desperately and urgently and readily than even now as He does that for me on a minute-by-minute basis.

I have nothing to fear of my righteous and perfect God, for although I will face all my sins in Heaven, it is only to chuck them out of Heaven and receive a bill already paid for, for my sins and thus live eternally with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, in peace and perfection.

That's how gooooooood our God is, folks. Get some.