Miracles Build Faith

Miracles Happen.

And I think they are a little more logistically close or even plain than you might think. Still magical though. You see miracles are impossible to one person but carried out through someone else ordinary. 

I gave away ALL of my money in faith that God asked me to--whether He really did is not 100% verifiable, but most of what God speaks to us can be questioned in our minds. I was then set on grounds that would call for a extreme and new level of faith in the shape of TRUST. 

A couple days ago God pointed out (spoke) how self-reliant I am and that it goes beyond feminist independence or middle-child proximal separation. I have yet to learn of the experience that triggered it or just the underlying reason I became this way. But I also have a good idea that God might have planted that seed to keep me from becoming too much like the ones He was trying to set me apart from. 

Prior to dedicating all of my money to God and whichever purposes He prompted--$3000 for a student's fees, $10 for a fundraiser raffle, $100 to a sports organization and some miscellaneous I am still looking to give away--I was planning on a couple of things that were affordable. Primarily, I wanted to buy three copies of this revolutionary Bible formatted like a play or movie script, Sourceview Bible (www.sourceviewbible.com). They each have different purposes but they were to be gifts to friends back home and I needed them by May 17th, 2012 before 9:30am. 

God was bringing me to a place where I would have to ask for the things I want and need. It is such a childlike place to be and that is hard for me. I would have to make known to my friends around me that I did not have money, that "I don't have a budget for that" and that I would even have to just ask "Can I have this?" 

I did not want to drop all my practical desires like the copies of the Bible or buying my sister a lei for her college graduation that actually came from Hawaii! I know that God is practical, radical, faithful, and that He hears and sees me. So of course, these were not outlandish requests. But, God really likes outlandish requests, too. 

I asked our school founder during an assignment of taking photos for branding and advertising of these Bibles and cried. Of course I cried. I had to tell her I had no way of providing for myself the things I wanted but that I did not believe I should stop wanting them. She said she would pass down my story and request to the developer of the Bible (who of course, is on campus--that's how YWAM works, we are neighbors to those producing revolutionary and world-changing products/ways/norms...). 

Yesterday afternoon, May 16th, I asked her if she had passed along my request and she had not; David Hamilton the developer had only been on base for two days before flying to another country for a couple months (something else that happens to YWAMers--up and leave randomly and frequently for spurts of time to anywhere in the world). 

She then said, "We need a miracle then, don't we?" Indeed we did. She said to be praying about it and hope that perhaps someone drops the amount of money I needed for the Bibles. I continued my on way through the night doing what I had going on in my day but keeping half my attention on where the Bibles or money could come from, how God might work through this person, this opportunity, etc. My brain had taken over my posture of worship and praise and had completely ruled out the space for trust. 

I had become so focused on how God would work and the place or way He would answer my prayer. My friend Deb prayed that night before I went to bed that as I was choosing to trust in Jesus that I would….I do not understand how I can miss the fact that even though I was trying to devise God's miracle that I was still actually trusting Him. The choice alone was trust; she saw that in me. Do not get me wrong, I await that kind of trust that does not have my hands and mind trying to understand something that has not yet come to pass. 

So I wake up, already packed and ready to leave campus. I had a one-on-one meeting with a team leader to just talk about the week so I told her about all these things. She encouraged me to just give it back to God, to stop striving and planning--man this has become such a theme!

I had an hour of intercessory prayer to participate in and I thought for a fleeting moment that I would opt out to go lay before the Lord, but then I realized I would be continuing my own control via engagement and planning and pleading and would likely not actually let it out of my hands. 

So I used the 15 minutes of earliness to lay it down before the Lord and I cannot even tell you what I prayed--funny how that works, hey. I was still sitting down, in the front of the prayer room with most of my photogenX school behind preparing their hearts also. And I was reading Psalm 31 (I had tried to remember the verse Proverbs 31 but got the P's mixed up by God's grace) and was just praying into that. 

Then, it happened. I had let it all go, I was empty of the control. It was no longer involved in my destiny. Someone came up from behind me and with a quick hand on my back placed $80 into my hands and Bible on my lap and walked away. 

What a precious moment to let go of my hopes and therein receive a gift so perfectly planned and sacrificially given. One of my roommates said it best, 'We are living in a Fortress of Ridiculousness' as we all are without jobs and all have these challenging fees to pay for outreach, housing, food, flights, tuition, camera equipment, etc. Yet generosity here is higher than I have ever seen in any given community. Just like the woman that gave Jesus all the money she had even though she had no other way of providing herself livelihood. 

Initially I was thinking that it was not even about the Bibles--it was about the miracle and trust and love. Especially being that I did not finish giving away all my money. As it sinks in that I do in fact have three very large, red, overweight Bibles in my carry-on I am more and more delighted in the fact that these material things will be forwarded and the story will bless the recipients.