Meadow Flowers in a Desert

Today was a beautiful day. It wasn't over the top exhilarating, just simply really good. And, its only noon!

Life has been pretty rough lately. I have been acknowledging the legitimate but reasonably-avoidable feelings of homesickness. And being honest enough with myself to face reality. Reality is that not every day is going to feel/be/seem/appear awesome. Reality is that sometimes I will feel or even believe that I am nowhere near impacting peoples lives for the better with the things I do in my little garden world (which is actually giant!). Reality is that people are busy and though they're having fun its not in spite of my loneliness; its just a fact. Reality is that not every day is going to be exciting and adventurous like traveling to Greece with 10 amazing women and facing new, and by default, EXCITING!! things all the time. Life can feel settled and that's okay.

Yesterday was one of the lowest days I have had in years but then it quickly turned around and I felt peace and contentment. It was like I cried and prayed and cried the junk away just enough to make room for God. I saw the joy and goodness in my life and in my relationship with God despite the other 98% of me feeling essentially opposite of that.

I know that the flavor of the next couple months are going to be challenging. God told me so. He said that up til Christmas-time that life was going to be a season of equipping and training, practically and spiritually. I have felt lonely in a lot of what I do here not because there's a shortage of people to be with but because their daily activities are separate from mine.

Project Management and Conflict-Resolution

big one for me in growing as a leader and a manager of the discipleship students that work in the ATV (Appropriate Technology Village--the area I am managing as staff). Learning to be a project-manager has had a huge learning curve and conflict resolution has shifted in a great direction the dynamics of the group I have in the afternoon.

On project-managing: 

The eco-ponics fish tank which is about 3.5' tall and about 8' feet in diameter, was losing about an inch a week of water due to evaporation! This is not cool. It will throw off the water chemistry and mess with the process of bacteria creating available oxygen for the fish to live, and also mess with the nutrients like nitrogen that the plants need to grow to then feed the fish. Solution: let's build an upright for a shade cloth!

Complete Shade Cloth (click to enlarge)

What do we need:

1 shade cloth
4 posts
4 carribeaners
4 hook-screws
4 cable clamps
4 concrete blocks
4-8 concrete bolts
4 L-shaped brackets
8-12 wood screws
cable or rope

So my plan of action: dig 4 holes, insert concrete blocks, attach brackets to concrete blocks and wood posts, with respective screws, hand-screw the hook-screws in, and pitch the shade cloth. Should take a day or two (5 hours of work time), right? ...NOPE!

It took 18 hours (worth of work-periods) to do a lot of things wrong before we figured out the right ways.

Ladies: Jesus is Already Our Hero

I have been sorting through the deeper things with God, and well, lets just get down to it, I'm talking about relationships, dreaming of a husband, and all the nervous-exciting things that lead up to it.

I have had my fair share of crushes and heartbreaks, and done my fair share of crushing hearts. And, there have been enough participants in my trial & errors to see some trends. This reflection has brought some good revelations out of my prayer time.

So girls, time to be honest. After meeting or even just seeing a cute guy do you ever wonder if he'll walk up to you and tell you "_______________"? Do you ever think that after an exchange of words that perhaps the next day at work he will ___________ ? Are you ever thinking--while alone and quiet, doing your daily routine--that he might come over to you and compliment you, take that heavy box up the stairs for you, or, Heaven forbid, he be conveniently around that moment you twist an ankle and he can help you up and care for you?

Now, these are general examples not too far from the actual ones I think...almost all the time. It doesn't take much: great eyes, great smile, great pants, cool glasses, sly smirk...to peak my interest in a guy. I mean, if he's a cutie, my imagination is already busy hoping that it's just the beginning of everything I want in a boyfriend--fiance--husband.

Does this ever happen to you? Does a passing thought ever linger and become an obsession we call a "crush?"

I think these things are totally normal, by the way. Relief. You are not weird.