I try to treat my blog more like a journal, mostly because I like to think I'm a pretty open book but also because I want y'all to know my real experiences, not just the bullet points.
I go back and forth about how content or confident I am in my INDIVIDUALISM. I have this fiery, world-changer brewing inside of me [I miss beer (brewing, get it?) but to nip in the butt all possible troubles that come with mixing alcohol and ministry, no drinking allowed for this entry program, until we graduate].
The WORLD CHANGER in me wants large scale change, global-level shifts for the better. There is a lot of room for academic digression to explain what that end result is, if its good for all or just my soapbox...but thats another story, for another day.
I got so fired up about this sized ambition and zeal while being in my lecture phase because so many leaders on campus and other organizations were just like me, a student, somewhat resourceless, and they just went for it, leapt for that lofty goal. I guess they just do not walk around with a scarlet letter of their trials.
The back and forth I experience is in relying on the pace of those around me, on their ambitions and zeal and scale. But I learned a huge lesson last night in a family (team) meeting: everyone has a different calling from me, different desires from God and everyone is learning how to go through life through their own lives...What I am getting at is I learned a deeper and broader understanding on what it means to me in the context of others.
I was getting frustrated in the ministry we are doing, not because it is not good or fruitful or what the Lord has called us to, but because it is challenging the way I think of ministry, for the goals I have for this short time in Greece. God is taking me through the practical and realist processes to growing in His love, developing an understanding of His character and all that goes with that like how to share His love, how to love and disciple others; in general, change. I skipped most of this in my eagerness to reach the end goal of our purposes here in life, the current highlight being "To Make God known"...and I need to continue on the first half of that phrase which is To Know God.
So what was this shift in my frustrations, the topic of family time that blew my mind? This simple plan of action: that each person on our team will be propelled forward in the direction they feel called, and that as teammates and sisters, we will alternate our own time for ministry amongst our ambitions and the others'.
This BLEW MY MIND because for so long I have been searching for a sense of normalcy (similarity) amongst my friends, for validation or just comfort. And friends, I apologize for when, not if, I have projected onto you in any way or amount, my lofty and zealous ambitions. If you liked it, I take the apology back. But really, I am the way I am and if you are nothing like me, WE CAN STILL SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER. I was frustrated because I was not seeing in my teammates the motivation that I wanted...to see in myself. So I was also shifting a lotta bit of blame. Anyway, I was looking at the wrong prize: my agenda. And, then, BAM, all of a sudden my RIGHTEOUS AND WISE leaders grounded us in a re-strategization. See the paragraph above.
I am so excited for this change in my ability to work with others, understand how the Lord works within the Body of Christ that the Bible talks up and down about, the ability to be at more peace with my teammates (there were no outright conflicts, but you know, I can be more agreeable to them in my heart). WOOOHOOOO Greece, get ready!! You are about to be fronted by the most dynamic team empowered by unity and the Holy Spirit.
I go back and forth about how content or confident I am in my INDIVIDUALISM. I have this fiery, world-changer brewing inside of me [I miss beer (brewing, get it?) but to nip in the butt all possible troubles that come with mixing alcohol and ministry, no drinking allowed for this entry program, until we graduate].
The WORLD CHANGER in me wants large scale change, global-level shifts for the better. There is a lot of room for academic digression to explain what that end result is, if its good for all or just my soapbox...but thats another story, for another day.
I got so fired up about this sized ambition and zeal while being in my lecture phase because so many leaders on campus and other organizations were just like me, a student, somewhat resourceless, and they just went for it, leapt for that lofty goal. I guess they just do not walk around with a scarlet letter of their trials.
The back and forth I experience is in relying on the pace of those around me, on their ambitions and zeal and scale. But I learned a huge lesson last night in a family (team) meeting: everyone has a different calling from me, different desires from God and everyone is learning how to go through life through their own lives...What I am getting at is I learned a deeper and broader understanding on what it means to me in the context of others.
I was getting frustrated in the ministry we are doing, not because it is not good or fruitful or what the Lord has called us to, but because it is challenging the way I think of ministry, for the goals I have for this short time in Greece. God is taking me through the practical and realist processes to growing in His love, developing an understanding of His character and all that goes with that like how to share His love, how to love and disciple others; in general, change. I skipped most of this in my eagerness to reach the end goal of our purposes here in life, the current highlight being "To Make God known"...and I need to continue on the first half of that phrase which is To Know God.
So what was this shift in my frustrations, the topic of family time that blew my mind? This simple plan of action: that each person on our team will be propelled forward in the direction they feel called, and that as teammates and sisters, we will alternate our own time for ministry amongst our ambitions and the others'.
This BLEW MY MIND because for so long I have been searching for a sense of normalcy (similarity) amongst my friends, for validation or just comfort. And friends, I apologize for when, not if, I have projected onto you in any way or amount, my lofty and zealous ambitions. If you liked it, I take the apology back. But really, I am the way I am and if you are nothing like me, WE CAN STILL SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER. I was frustrated because I was not seeing in my teammates the motivation that I wanted...to see in myself. So I was also shifting a lotta bit of blame. Anyway, I was looking at the wrong prize: my agenda. And, then, BAM, all of a sudden my RIGHTEOUS AND WISE leaders grounded us in a re-strategization. See the paragraph above.
I am so excited for this change in my ability to work with others, understand how the Lord works within the Body of Christ that the Bible talks up and down about, the ability to be at more peace with my teammates (there were no outright conflicts, but you know, I can be more agreeable to them in my heart). WOOOHOOOO Greece, get ready!! You are about to be fronted by the most dynamic team empowered by unity and the Holy Spirit.
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