So tonight I went back to Eagle's Nest, my hometown/high school's youth group for the second time since, well, like 2009. The group was larger tonight and the message was about the absolution of God's word, His distinguishment (my own word) between right and wrong. It felt so good to feel confident and sure about what the Pastor was saying and it was even more glorious to have scripture come to mind to help fortify some of the allowances or acknowledgments of the difficulties of applying it all.
Yes, it sure is a struggle and challenge to stay close to God's truths and to live them out when you feel the flow of the crowd around you passing you by
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
Oh, Do Tell: Testimony Time
Well, my adventure is yet approaching but a fire has been re-lit for this dream of mine.
You see I've always desired to go to photog school but there always seemed to be "no" standing in my way.
Tried to get into it--be great at it--through high school yearbook. Not quite.
Buy a DSLR and teach myself. Not so successful. Not enough time or determination.
Wanted to go to art school after high school graduation, "No" go to a real college and get a real degree.
Take a photography/art class in college, Nope, not enough time/impacted singular offering.
Anyway, you can see there is plenty of evidence to understand why I began to fear loving photography any longer. There were so many "no's" that I just thought God was closing a door, but I could not see what other opportunity He was providing instead. Perhaps, (mid-sentence epiphany), this is why I tried my hand at everything else under the sun: welding, fellowshipping, cooking, swimming, eating, sporting, serving, and a neurology class.
So now its about April 2011 and this group of girls from YWAM (Youth With A Mission) come to my new fellowship, Intervarsity, to speak about their social justice missions-based spree of ministry and photography. They had just been around the world for a year. A great gal was sitting next to me, repeatedly saying, "Bee, this is for you. This was meant for you. This is so you."
To your possible surprise, I could hardly get excited--I was too tucked away in the above paragraph of "No's" to even think I could reach out and grab this opportunity.
Jump ahead to application time. I had been putting it off a bit when I had a terrible dream where I saw a team picture of the next year's group and I wasn't in it. Yikes!!! Get on it, Britt. Check. Skip ahead two months; yes, that's how long it took me to write the short essays, get reference letters, finish summer school, graduate college and move home.
During this whole application-wait-for-acceptance period I was as humble and flexible to being obedient to God. I didn't know if this was what I should go for after college, I was ready to be a tool for Him and didn't think this was it. Rather, if I was honest it was probably because I didn't want an answer if it was going to be another NO.
I was tired of sitting at a desk, crunching numbers; so pointless. I prayed out to God, "What am I doing here? I am ready to go out into the world and do something important." A short couple hours later I got an email not satisfying my anxious wait for a yes or no, but instead offering me another choice in a Discipleship Training School (DTS). Instead of simply photography I could start earlier, January instead of April, and the media aspect would include newscasting, journalism, soundbooth, greenscreen AND photography.
So exciting!
Another glitch. I needed to hear from YWAM by November 4th due to fiscal budgets at work--I would like to have money in the budget for my paycheck, thanks. So I called the gal at the registrars office and she rushed my application and I was accepted! WHOOHOOO.
BUT, now I had these choices. Choices, choices. I won't list the considerations, they are too plenty and you might think I'm a nut job if i expose my over-thinking to that extent. I had conversations with several friends, roommates, my pastor and a church elder. I learned some very deep lessons:
God didn't see a right nor wrong choice, it really didn't matter.
God was bringing me back to a fear and a disappointment I had long ago tucked away for hiding to redeem it. I had been afraid to still want photography school or to become great at photography. Some say it is our own greatness we fear, what if my potential greatness was disobedient to God?
I realized in a conversation with a dear sister of mine, non-biological but close enough, that when you look at my passion and my personality, I have kept photography on my mind; that I could glorify God most with something this deep.
And is dawned on me, when God said to me, "Brittany, what do you want?" that He was giving me the desires of my heart, just like His Word tells us in Psalm 37:4, Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires."
So, after a week's intense hunt for that one thing that will tip my see-saw of logic in one direction of decision or another, I finally heard from God. He said, "Brittany, you choose." He told me that He was saying YES. I realized I would be so foolish to try my hands at yet another set of new things when God was answering a very long-awaited prayer.
And so, things have continued to fall into place. God has provided so much in the way of the necessities for this kind of change of pace. I am excited for the solid community of believers, a place to grow and a place to find God even closer. A place to serve and a place to learn. A place to be obedient and to surrender.
Thanks for sticking this out..if you're still reading!! Ready for the pop-quiz??
For God feeds the birds and the flowers, how much more will He look after you!! Matt 6:26.
Amen!
You see I've always desired to go to photog school but there always seemed to be "no" standing in my way.
Tried to get into it--be great at it--through high school yearbook. Not quite.
Buy a DSLR and teach myself. Not so successful. Not enough time or determination.
Wanted to go to art school after high school graduation, "No" go to a real college and get a real degree.
Take a photography/art class in college, Nope, not enough time/impacted singular offering.
Anyway, you can see there is plenty of evidence to understand why I began to fear loving photography any longer. There were so many "no's" that I just thought God was closing a door, but I could not see what other opportunity He was providing instead. Perhaps, (mid-sentence epiphany), this is why I tried my hand at everything else under the sun: welding, fellowshipping, cooking, swimming, eating, sporting, serving, and a neurology class.
So now its about April 2011 and this group of girls from YWAM (Youth With A Mission) come to my new fellowship, Intervarsity, to speak about their social justice missions-based spree of ministry and photography. They had just been around the world for a year. A great gal was sitting next to me, repeatedly saying, "Bee, this is for you. This was meant for you. This is so you."
To your possible surprise, I could hardly get excited--I was too tucked away in the above paragraph of "No's" to even think I could reach out and grab this opportunity.
Jump ahead to application time. I had been putting it off a bit when I had a terrible dream where I saw a team picture of the next year's group and I wasn't in it. Yikes!!! Get on it, Britt. Check. Skip ahead two months; yes, that's how long it took me to write the short essays, get reference letters, finish summer school, graduate college and move home.
During this whole application-wait-for-acceptance period I was as humble and flexible to being obedient to God. I didn't know if this was what I should go for after college, I was ready to be a tool for Him and didn't think this was it. Rather, if I was honest it was probably because I didn't want an answer if it was going to be another NO.
I was tired of sitting at a desk, crunching numbers; so pointless. I prayed out to God, "What am I doing here? I am ready to go out into the world and do something important." A short couple hours later I got an email not satisfying my anxious wait for a yes or no, but instead offering me another choice in a Discipleship Training School (DTS). Instead of simply photography I could start earlier, January instead of April, and the media aspect would include newscasting, journalism, soundbooth, greenscreen AND photography.
So exciting!
Another glitch. I needed to hear from YWAM by November 4th due to fiscal budgets at work--I would like to have money in the budget for my paycheck, thanks. So I called the gal at the registrars office and she rushed my application and I was accepted! WHOOHOOO.
BUT, now I had these choices. Choices, choices. I won't list the considerations, they are too plenty and you might think I'm a nut job if i expose my over-thinking to that extent. I had conversations with several friends, roommates, my pastor and a church elder. I learned some very deep lessons:
God didn't see a right nor wrong choice, it really didn't matter.
God was bringing me back to a fear and a disappointment I had long ago tucked away for hiding to redeem it. I had been afraid to still want photography school or to become great at photography. Some say it is our own greatness we fear, what if my potential greatness was disobedient to God?
I realized in a conversation with a dear sister of mine, non-biological but close enough, that when you look at my passion and my personality, I have kept photography on my mind; that I could glorify God most with something this deep.
And is dawned on me, when God said to me, "Brittany, what do you want?" that He was giving me the desires of my heart, just like His Word tells us in Psalm 37:4, Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires."
So, after a week's intense hunt for that one thing that will tip my see-saw of logic in one direction of decision or another, I finally heard from God. He said, "Brittany, you choose." He told me that He was saying YES. I realized I would be so foolish to try my hands at yet another set of new things when God was answering a very long-awaited prayer.
And so, things have continued to fall into place. God has provided so much in the way of the necessities for this kind of change of pace. I am excited for the solid community of believers, a place to grow and a place to find God even closer. A place to serve and a place to learn. A place to be obedient and to surrender.
Thanks for sticking this out..if you're still reading!! Ready for the pop-quiz??
For God feeds the birds and the flowers, how much more will He look after you!! Matt 6:26.
Amen!
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